


Panacea

by nefertiti1052



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Scientists, Diary/Journal, Fluff, Happy Ending, I could tag this a lot better but I don't want to spoil anyone, M/M, Mentions of mental health problems, Mirrors, Phandom Reverse Bang 2018, Potions, Science Fiction, brief mentions of homophobia, contextual and internalized
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 04:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14709371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefertiti1052/pseuds/nefertiti1052
Summary: When Phil tried to make his own version of Panacea he didn’t imagine what it would lead to... or who





	Panacea

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for the Phandom Reverse Bang 2018 in collaboration with @corgi-lester who made the amazing art and @partlycharlie who was my lovely beta. Thank you for the support and patience.

Phil usually considered himself a very proper person. Sometimes, though, he was accosted by negative feelings, such as attraction to other men, extreme fits of anger, and (the worst of them all) the knowledge that, despite all efforts to the contrary, Phil led a very meaningless life. That feeling often left him incapacitated and unable to fulfil his work for days or weeks at a time.

Although he could have chosen to live a leisurely life, being a man from a wealthy family in Victorian London, he wanted to find meaning in his existence - to leave a mark on the world. Phil had decided, then, to study in the best schools money could afford, with the dreams of becoming a chemist and physicist. With time and some failed experiments, Phil eventually realized he would need to develop new tools to be able to continue his investigation.

His main focus was the creation of a potion that would rid him of any and all unwanted traits. This ended up taking him a fair amount of time, especially because of Phil’s desire for purely natural ingredients, and his lack of expertise in the field of botany. By his 31st birthday, he was ready to try his potion.

Said potion was very tricky to make, and required foreign ingredients he had been lucky enough to acquire in his trip to the former spanish colony Bolivia. It had been difficult, seeing as just about anyone could tell that that part of the continent was on the brink of war, but he had managed it through a connection with a merchant family living in La Paz. He made sure to establish a means of communications with them; a precaution, in case he needed more supplies.

On the night of January 31st, 1858, after all the guests of his birthday party had left, he locked himself in his laboratory with the intention of trying the concoction. He could wait no more.

He took note in his journal of his vital signs and current health status for future reference. Looking out the window to the thunderstorm currently pouring over London, he pondered of the possible outcomes briefly. No great scientist had made big discoveries without taking risks, he was ready to suffer for his work; there was no doubt. Sighing he looked at the full length mirror and downed the potion, it burned on the way down, but he felt no other effects.

He took his vital signs again and wrote them down; they were normal. He took further notes on the potion's taste and consistency. He would be sure to make adjustments.

As he was finishing his notes, Phil felt an incredible pain in his head, starting from the base of his spine and engulfing his brain. He screamed his throat raw; he vaguely noted the sound of glass breaking, the room spinning, his brain feeling as though it had been engulfed in flames. After what seemed like hours, the pain started to subside, and he suddenly realized he was on his hands and knees on the floor. He clutched the laced mantel on his writing desk in an attempt to stand, but, just as he was trying to rise, he started to convulse. His stomach felt like it was turning inside out - he couldn't breathe - he was choking. This would be the end of his experiment, of his life. His only regret was failing in this quest.

He looked in the mirror with unfocused eyes and in his delusion he saw a man looking back at him. His eyes rolled inside his head and he saw no more.

\----

**January 31st, 2015**

Dan walked around his flat, appreciating his surroundings and feeling incredibly lucky. Yes, it was old, of course, but so was every property in London.

He didn't have many things when he first moved in, because he thought he would get a furnished home, but no such luck.

Instead, this particular flat came with only a few perks: a nice size bathtub, a full-length oval mirror, and a piano from the 1800s, placed in the master bedroom. Those items had been the main reason he rented the place. He loved the feeling he got from the flat and he had always wanted to restart his piano lessons; he took this as a sign from the universe that it was the perfect time to do so.

In the months following to the moving, he added to the vintage decor, while also trying to incorporate some contemporary elements. Dan thought he'd achieved the eclectic style that most suited his personality.

Dan was fascinated by the story of this place; he spent plenty of time researching the family that had lived in the house before it was remodeled into a set of apartments. When he decided to paint the upstairs office, he found a secret storage place behind a fake panel in the wall.

It was filled with dusty boxes and vintage clothing; Victorian, probably. He would have worn them as a Jack the Ripper costume for Halloween if they weren't so absolutely filthy.

Among the items found inside, there was a leather journal with yellow pages and cursive writing that spiked his curiosity. He decided to take it to his room and read it with a cup of tea.

He sat in his favourite chair and started reading. Apparently, the journal belonged to a young man in the Victorian era who had very conflicted thoughts but also a bright and inquisitive mind. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until he reached a particularly scribbled entry. It read:

_"Today, on my 31st birthday, I'm finally ready to try the potion. It will hopefully get rid of all my unwanted traits, and by doing so, aid in my future experiments._

_My current health status is good; my trip to La Paz helped with all of my symptoms. The cause of the initial ailment is still unclear._

_I am currently in my study on the upper floor of my house. I've asked the workers to move here my bedroom mirror to observe any physical changes that might take place, though none are expected._

_20.53: I have drunk the potion, the initial taste is not bad. I suspect the extract of Erythroxylum coca caused the numbing sensation in my throat. I feel most energized and have no trace of negative feelings. The most prominent effect is the lack of tension that usually comes accompanied by stomach pains and nausea._

_After my first mirror inspection, I have found no physical manifestation of the treatment thus far._

_20.59: Vision is starting to get blurry. I will continue to record my findings for as long as I can to make any necessary adjustments”._

Dan looked into the mirror and saw the scene play out before his eyes. He was horrified and not even sure if he was hallucinating or if it was a dream; he didn't remember falling asleep. He felt petrified as he saw the other man faint.  

The next thing he remembered was being on the floor next to the chair he was previously sitting on; he concluded he must have blacked out.

He thought of the man in the mirror, and decided to check he only saw his own reflection. He wondered if it had all been a bad dream but then he spotted the leather journal on the floor by the chair.

Perplexed by the situation, he decided to make another cup of tea to clear his head, and finally concluded it was best to continue with his investigation. He sat on in his favourite spot once more and began reading. Dan was a little disappointed to find very little information as what could have caused Phil to take so drastic measures. When he reached the last entry, he noticed the ink changing colour in some parts of the text as he read out loud.

The words "WHO ARE YOU?" appeared at the end of the page. Dropping his cup in shock he looked up and saw the man in the mirror staring back at him, looking just as surprised as he was.

\------

Phil woke up at noon, the curtains had been left open and the sunlight was giving him a horrible headache. He bolted out of bed and immediately regretted it; he felt a sharp pain in his back, which was to be expected given the fact that he had apparently fallen asleep crammed in the small bed in his study that was only reserved for short naps during very controlled experiments.

Exasperated, he stomped his way to the window closed the curtains huffing. He paced around the small study, trying to remember why he stayed there instead of retreating to his comfortable and luxurious bedroom.

It was then when he saw the journal and he started having small flashes of the events occurred last night.

'The potion!', he thought. He run to the mirror and examined his appearance. Despite the unpleasant awakening, his features looked relaxed and his complexion healthy. He smiled noticing he didn't feel the doubts that usually plagued his mind or the sense of having a meaningless life.

The initial results were very positive, but to appropriately determine the extent of the effects, it would necessary to interact with other humans and evaluate the feelings the encounters caused in him.

He frowned remembering the pains he suffered after drinking the potion and the peculiar figure he saw in the mirror. He didn't recall being conscious after collapsing, or laying down in bed either. Adjustments would have to be made to the formula; he attributed the side effects to the Erythroxylum Coca extract. After all, he had only ingested the plant in its natural form. It was said to have hallucinogenic properties as well as the sedative effect that prompted him to include such an exotic ingredient. The reaction to the extract was bound to have much more powerful.

Phil changed into a new outfit and ventured out to the streets of London. The weather was as gloomy, as usual, but he felt no need to complain about it.

In his stroll, he crossed paths with Ms. Emily Clarke and Mr. Ethan Watts, they seemed to be walking together.

When she caught sight him, she blushed profusely and averted her eyes. It was no secret that Miss Clarke was madly in love with him; sadly for her, Phil had never held such feelings for her.

When they met, he found her nice enough. He thought of her as a person who he could hold an interesting conversation with, but news travelled fast within London's higher societal circles. The woman was obsessed with him, and had thrown a tantrum with her father because she wanted him to arrange their marriage.

Even though gossip was frowned upon in the Lester household, Phil overheard his mother's chambermaid speaking with one of the waitresses. Apparently, the entire affair had become a huge scandal.

Mr. Clarke, Sr had tried to plot the arrangement with Mr. Lester, Sr, but it had failed, resulting in an unofficial rivalry between the two families.

Phil had ignored her ever since and tried to avoid her as much as was socially acceptable.

Before his experiment, even seeing her in the street might have caused him a stomach ache, but today, inexplicably, he felt at ease.

He experienced no desire to run away or to make an effort to avoid an encounter. Consequently, he greeted them with a smile. Said smile was not returned by Mr Watts, so in an effort to avoid conflict, Phil decided to cut the interaction short. He bid them goodbye and returned home.

Sadly, Ethan had been Phil's friend before Emily's family came to town. He had confessed to Phil that he was in love with her and he was planning to ask her hand in marriage a few days before the scandal was known by everyone.

To add assault to injury, she had completely crushed his feelings and made very clear there was no suitable man for her other than Phil. She wanted to marry him, not only because she loved him, but because he was the heir to the Lester fortune. She wanted to be at the top of London's exclusive circles and to be invited to royal parties and travel like the Lesters did. Ethan was wealthy and from a prominent family, but not to that extent.

Rationally, he knew that Phil had no fault in the matter, but he declared him his enemy regardless. Nobody knew exactly why the friendship had ended and both parties refused to talk about it.

Once back in his study, Phil opened his journal to record his observations and found not only what appeared to be his handwriting asking "WHO ARE YOU?" but an unknown scribbled handwriting answering said question.

It took him a few minutes to decipher the text having initially considered the possibility of it being coded. It was apparently a man who had provided a brief description of himself and asked for Phil's and the current date in return.

Phil was stunned but he answered anyway. He was unsure if this was part of the hallucination from the previous night, meaning he had written the words himself, or if the man in the mirror was actually real and had somehow written in his journal. He glanced at the mirror and saw the man reading what appeared to be his journal. The man looked up and dropped his cup in shock.

The image had lasted only a second but Phil recognized him from the previous night and he matched the given description as well. He was elated, he didn't know what this finding meant, but it would surely be an adventure.

Within the next fortnight, the effects of the potion had worn off completely. The first symptom to return was his sinful tendencies, as his father had called them.

It took place the second night after his experiment. He woke up drenched in sweat after having a dream about Daniel, as the man in the mirror had called himself. It was hard to believe such an angelic face could lead to indecent feelings.

That morning, Phil confided in his father, the only person who knew of his problem. His father loved him and supported him in every aspect of his life, except this. He asked Phil to have a decent behaviour, not only for the family’s sake but for his own. Same sex attraction was regarded as one of the worst forms of debauchery, and if people found out his life would be ruined. He advised Phil to invite Ms Clarke for tea to amend their relationship and so he did.    

The afternoon was not unpleasant per se, but he wasn't overjoyed by her company either. He could almost picture himself marrying her, having children with her. It was only the intercourse part that didn't appeal to him, he supposed. He considered these thoughts an advance from his previous outright rejection of her; now, at least, he found her tolerable. If he managed to perfect the potion, he could potentially lead a normal life.

In the following days Phil saw, his tension, his doubts, the fears and overwhelming anger return as well. On day 14 post treatment, he had made the grave mistake of inviting Emily in to dinner after she had unexpectedly knocked on his door with a very obvious excuse; his mother found the intrusion very impolite and retired promptly.

She was her usual self, providing an array of big smiles while her eyes showed her annoyance with him. At one point of the conversation, Emily mentioned that she would be sure to replace his mother's rose bushes with her own garden when she became the lady of the house and Phil had been frantic. He not so kindly invited her to leave.

She had yelled at him that she thought he had changed, but clearly, it wasn't the case.

"Clearly," he answered through gritted teeth.

That night Phil brew another batch of potion and drank it.

\----

After Dan had answered through the journal, he didn't experience any more "episodes", as he had called these events, for two weeks. He asked Phil what year it was because he noticed he was wearing the items found in the storage space.

Even though nothing else was out of place, Dan couldn't help but feel something was wrong with him. He felt helpless, anxious, and oddly volatile when he had never felt like that before; at least, he hadn’t experienced all of those emotions at the same time. It was proving to be too much for him to handle on his own.

He attributed these changes to the trauma and shock he felt over the supposed time anomaly he was caught in, his findings on the story of the house, and Phil Lester’s life in particular. Apparently, the young scientist had gone missing before his 32nd birthday. The only clue as to what might have happened were the instructions he had left with his attorney and close family; he had left on his own volition.

Dan decided to write in the journal again even though Phil had never responded to his last message. He was enthralled - he needed to know more about Phil.

He questioned Phil on why he continued to drink the potion after it had apparently almost killed him the first time.

The answer appeared a few hours later, vaguely explaining his moral obligation to his family and the need to find a cure for his symptoms to achieve his maximum potential.

Dan explained that he understood the context of his problems but most of them were considered mental illnesses where he lived. To Phil's surprise, same sex attraction was regarded as normal and countries were passing more inclusive marriage laws. The rest of his ailments were treatable by commonly prescribed medicine.

When questioned about him taking that kind of medication, Dan said that he hadn't needed it as of yet, but he was felt like in the near future he might. He said he would go to the doctor to get examined. Phil wished him luck and good health.

Over the next 2 months, they exchanged messages through the journal and formed a friendship. After the doctor had been unable to discover the root of Dan's sudden bouts of anxiety, they had connected the information available. Whenever Phil took the potion, he would stop experiencing the symptoms and Dan would get them. When he asked exactly what Dan felt he revealed that the same sex attraction was not new character trait for him, nor was it a problem for him.

Phil was horrified to discover that he was the cause of Dan's suffering, discontinuing the journal writing as a result.

Even though they didn't communicate anymore, sometimes Phil would look in the mirror and briefly see Dan, staring back sadly.

It took a few of these unexpected glances he got from Dan for him to notice that Dan's room looked just like his own, he could even see his piano. The furniture was quite different, though, and there were some strange appliances as well.

He decided to write in the journal again to determine if this was a sort of communication through time. So far Dan hadn't provided much information on his reality but Phil had considered the possibility of him living in an alternate universe; now he had a new hypothesis. Dismally, he received no response.

Frustrated, he started working on a new potion that could allow him to meet Dan in person.

He didn't know how to achieve this, so he tried to get into a deep meditative state with the help of the coca leaves, to take a spiritual travel of sorts. He was a man of science, usually described by his peers as pragmatic, but science hadn’t provided answers to the strange developments. He was willing to give this new experiment a chance.

He was able to ‘visit’ Dan but not in corporeal form. Only in the mirror. This was relatively better as now they were able to talk directly instead of writing.

Dan was asleep when he first heard a man calling his name. He sat in bed, confused as to what might have woken him up, when he heard it again.

“Daniel.” The voice echoed throughout the room.

Frightened, he turned on the light and saw Phil in the mirror. He gasped and covered his chest remembering he was naked. They were both blushing, but Dan noticed that Phil had given him a good look before closing his eyes to allow him some privacy.

After the initial shock, they discussed Phil's theory. He asked why Dan hadn't answered. Affronted, he answered that Phil had been the one to stop writing first, so he avoided reading the journal from then on and hadn’t seen the message.

Dan knew he couldn't tell Phil much about the future or he might alter reality, but he grudgingly confirmed Phil's theory and told him about the box he found in the office. He also asked Phil to stay away from that fancy green wallpaper everybody was raving about even though he refused to give an explanation. Only after Phil admitted to having just installed it in the drawing room a few months ago, Dan looked at him worriedly and requested that he took it down.

Phil wanted to hear more about how easy it was to treat his afflictions in the future, so Dan explained that medicine had advanced a lot. It was still necessary to go to a doctor and get a prescription but that was all. If the illness was there, with therapy and medication a lot of things could improve, although there wasn't an actual cure.

Dan saw Phil’s hesitation to continue questioning him on the topic so he mentioned there was also a community, parades, marriages, adoption and even other options for same sex couples. Phil was elated to hear society was so advanced but very sad as well that he wouldn't live to see those changes.  

When Phil heard Dan’s voice further away even though he didn’t move, he understood their time was running out, so he said goodbye. The last thing he heard was Dan reminding him of the green wallpaper, and telling him to be careful with electricity and flammable materials.

Phil wrote down everything that happened and told his household workers to remove the wallpaper. A few days after having done this, he realized the symptoms that prompted the trip to Bolivia were apparently related to the infamous wallpaper. They had disappeared after it was taken down. He collected information around his neighbourhood and concluded it was probably poisoned. The new discoveries of recent years made life more exciting, but they were proving to be quite dangerous as well. After a few tests, the evidence pointed to a component of the green pigment: arsenic.

Phil sat in his favourite chair, exhausted, he missed speaking to Dan, hearing his voice. He couldn't stop thinking about the man. He felt a bit unsure as what to make of all of this but at least he knew his feeling weren't wrong or immoral. Society was wrong and it would eventually evolve to be less judgemental.

\-----

Dan approached Phil's house. The exterior didn't look like his flat at all because it was still a luxurious house, but somehow Dan knew where he was. He opened the gate and walked through the garden, as he was about to knock on the front door, Phil opened it with a smile. Dan returned the smile and hugged him; he blushed furiously looking at him for a few seconds before he offered to serve tea and cake in the garden.

They sat in the back garden, just by the fountain, surrounded by roses, holding hands and enjoying each other’s company. Everything felt so peaceful. They talked about their feelings; there was no point in denying it because here they could both feel each other on a spiritual level.

Even though they were sad that it wasn't possible for them to be together, at that specific moment, it was enough. They knew they were made for each other and no one else would be enough.

Dan woke up alone in his bed, a bittersweet smile gracing his lips.

During the day he kept his investigation on Phil's story going. He wanted to know what had happened to him exactly. He had yet to reveal the information to Phil.

A week later Phil was able to visit him again through the mirror. He asked Dan how he was able to achieve the level of communication they had shared. Dan had suspected the dream had actually been real and the confirmation excited him greatly. They theorized that Dan had actually travelled back in time. Dan explained that to visit him, he touched the mirror thinking of Phil before meditating in bed. He had practised different forms of meditation for years and he suspected this had aided him to achieve a deeper connection that Phil was able to get with his second potion.

This time, before he left, Phil told Dan he was going to try something. He wanted to be with him and he would try every method he could think of to succeed. This meant it could be the last time they saw each other. If he failed, he didn't know how long it would take or if he would be able to return to him at all, but the journal had very few pages left. He couldn't bear the possibility of not being able to talk to Dan.

Dan felt ill, he didn't know if he should tell Phil what he knew, but he decided that at this point their time was almost over either way. He didn't know if there would be another opportunity, so with a trembling voice he told Phil that nobody knew what happened to him; he had left to never return leaving only vague instructions behind.

Phil looked shocked for a moment, but then smiled widely. "That means I made it to you. Wait for me,” he said, and disappeared.

\-----  

Phil put his matters into order. He left a will and put a box with several objects in the secret storage space behind the wall in his study for Dan to find in the future. He had concluded the reason he had left the items there was because he already knew that Dan would find them. This was meant to happen.

Before he departed, he had a very strange conversation with his cousin Mariana and abandoned London in a ship.

He travelled to La Paz once more and researched the native culture with the help of his local connection.

The natives received the man who exchanged knowledge with them treating him as an equal. He didn't speak the language, but his merchant friend helped him greatly in that respect. He shared his sorrows with the tribe and explained his feelings for the 'man in the mirror;' the shaman gave him an evaluating look and told him to stay the night while he spoke to the spirits of his ancestors before making his decision.

In the morning, he guided Phil to a cave and bid him goodbye. He would succeed or not depending on his worth and the purity of his feelings.

He was left with only coca leaves and a sack with objects he would need should he succeed. There was no food or water; this was a one way ticket.

The natives said the plant was part of their rituals; the trance-like state it could put a person in helped them to connect spiritually with the Earth, and even travel in time. They explained it was difficult to travel but even more so to return; only one man had been able to achieve that, the shaman.

\------

Phil woke up in the cave and even though he felt that only hours had passed, everything around him seemed different. He almost felt like a new person.

He abandoned the cave and made his way through the forest until he crossed paths with a person and explained in rudimentary Spanish that he was lost. They kindly offered to take him to the city.

He received help there by searching for the descendants of his merchant friend. The entire family knew the story of the man who risked everything for love. The grandchild of the man who had taken him to the tribe excitedly took him in and helped Phil organize his return to England, exchange his gold for currency and get new clothes.

He had an excellent time with his new friend, sharing stories about their grandfather. Luckily, there was no need to use his rusty Spanish, as most people spoke passable English nowadays.

To say that travelling without a passport was an ordeal was an understatement. He had managed to get fake paperwork and took a plane home; he wasn’t proud of being involved in illegal activities but getting to Dan would be worth it.

The streets looked much different but he managed to find a descendant of his beloved cousin who still owned his family property. She never believed the stories her mother had told her, attributing them to her old age, but she had pictures of Phil and he had proved to know the entire Lester family history.

She dropped Phil off at the flat and gave him her address and phone number on a piece of paper in case he needed anything; she was now running the family business so they would need to stay in touch.

He knocked on the door and after a few moments he heard a familiar voice, "Coming!".

Dan opened the door. He gasped in shock for a second before hugging Phil tightly.

Dan showed him around the flat; it was much smaller than his house had been but it was big compared to contemporary properties.

They decided to make some tea and sit in the living room to talk. It had been almost five months since they had last spoken; they had much to share.

"I still can't believe you made it!" Dan mused.

"I told you I would. We are connected through time. Our meeting was meant to happen," he said, smiling happily. "This journey was very difficult and stressful but i would do it all again to be with you, Dan." He took Dan's hands in his own.

Dan smiled, blushing madly and - in all honesty - still dumbfounded that Phil was here permanently.

"And I only ask for one thing in return," Phil continued.

"What would that be?" Dan whispered.

"A kiss," he said, closing the distance between them placing his lips softly over Dan’s.

Dan smiled. “Don’t think that you can distract me with kisses. Tell me how you did it!”

“After considering it for a few days, I concluded that it was you who led me here. It was you who told me I gave instructions and left London for good. It was you who told me how and where you found the journal. I couldn’t have done it without that information. I only thought the most logical answers as to what to do exactly”.

“I guess I finally found the happily ever after I so desperately craved. all I needed was time” Dan said, smiling widely.

When Phil first started experimenting with the potion, he was looking for a panacea that would cure all his ailments. The experiment had succeeded, just not in the way he expected.

[Art link](https://corgi-lester.tumblr.com/post/174064146769/part-1-of-3-art-pieces-for-phandomreversebang)

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr Link: https://succubusphan.tumblr.com/post/174065111721/panacea  
> follow me on tumblr: succubusphan.tumblr.com or on my main jorzuela.tumblr.com


End file.
